Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
