I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize