dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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