i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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