Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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