My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
