Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?

(1-425): View more from Washington

I hate you

Fav 14 4289 808
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(225): View more from Louisiana

Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.

Fav 9 6007 1044
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(510): View more from California

Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

Fav 14 5361 1330
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(614): View more from Ohio

Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.

Fav 14 1214 2990
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(613): View more from Ontario

I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.

Fav 4 1240 800
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(408): View more from California

I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"

Fav 1 1375 596
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(317): View more from Indiana

He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.

Fav 2 598 473
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(520): View more from Arizona

She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.

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