Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this will be a night to untag.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
