As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
