I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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