did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
