I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
