tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
