I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
