I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
