yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
