I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
