I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
