i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
