If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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