You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
