her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Too much gin, very little bucket
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
