Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
