he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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