No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
