I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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