just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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