Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
