dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
