I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
