a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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