i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
