I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
