dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
