O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
