Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
