I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
