You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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