So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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