Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
