Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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