I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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