oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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