I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How does one acquire holy water?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
