Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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