look no pants
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
