Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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