FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
