So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
