My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
