You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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