I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
