In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize