Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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