i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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