I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
