Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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