I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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