Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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