just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize