It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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