too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
