I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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