My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize