the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
