I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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