When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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